Alcohol Part 1 of... well... many

Alcohol laws in Utah, simply put they represent not only the most backwards part of Utah, but also show the degree of control that the church itself has within the government. Every one of these laws exists due to the fact that the Mormon Church does not allow alcohol as part of their religion. But since the prohibition ended nearly a century ago and not every citizen in the state is Mormon, a series of odd rules, regulation, laws, and loopholes exist. In the end they do absolutely nothing to curb the amount of alcoholism, underage drinking, or drinking related incidents, but simply serve as a reminder that the LDS church is in fact in control here.



Let’s kick this crazy train off with three point beer. Only beer with an alcohol content of 3.2 percent or less can be served in places like grocery stores, gas stations, etc. This is supposed to prevent drunkenness in public and discourage drinking in general, but in reality it does little to nothing to this effect. Because let’s face it, a person who wants to get drunk is going to get drunk no matter what percentage of alcohol is in their drink. If they have to drink twice as much than double it is and now instead of a drunk, you are left with a sloppy, smelly, overweight, and generally poorer drunk. Not fun to be and even less fun to hang around, but no worries we have liquor stores where all the full fledged alcohol exists in all its glory.


Political Cartoon following the original introduction of 3.2 beer


Well sort of, thanks to another slew of liquor laws all liquor stores are state run. This means that they are the sole owners and distributors of ‘full point’ beer and all other kinds of alcohol. All the wine, vodka, gin, and schnapps you could ask for but getting it is about as easy as convincing a teacher that your dog ‘really did’ eat your homework. These stores are in such small numbers, so remote, and open at such limited hours that they quickly become a non-option. That and the fact that most tellers are in fact police officers causes more than a few parties to get shut down before they even start up. In the end it’s actually easier to make the hour long pilgrimage from Salt Lake City to Wyoming where all the booze, fireworks, and pornography you desire can be purchased without consequence.



Confused yet? Tune in for Part 2 for more of the amazing, fascinating, and weird!